I've a confession to make. On a fateful day, four years ago, I hatched a plan to murder my blog. I wasn't happy with how my blogging journey was going forward. I rarely wrote anything. I wasn't happy with the fonts, design, template, layout and the domain name of my blog. I never picked a niche topic or specialized in any particular genre. I wrote on anything that popped up in my head. My posts were as erratic as my thoughts are. I never promoted or shared my posts on my social media handles. I was too wary of people laughing at my emotionally charged love poems and nostalgic childhood stories. I'd be honest. I was scared to be judged.
Then the inevitable happened. I invested some money in redesigning my blog. Technically, it wasn't a bad move. I spent hours and hours on top blogging sites like copyblogger.com. And for a few weeks, it did feel like I had finally managed to crack the blogging code. A refreshed look, a new domain with my name (kundanpandey.net) did bring a new lease of life to my blog. Just when I thought I had won half of the battle, my anxious mind was ready to play the game it was so skillful at.
I had named my blog 'resonant perceptions' and I started thinking if it was good enough. Once a pain point starts itching me, especially in case of my blog, it has a cascading effect. From there, I started scripting the downhill journey of my blog with the same fervor as I had started to write its success story. The more I sat and mulled over the blog name, the colors, the look, the topics, the genres, the more I got confused.
A fairly occupying writing job (well, not so much writing, honestly) and a not-so-sorted-mind, cut me off from this platform. The enthusiasm was gone, dead and buried. In a fit of anger and despair, I started deleting my posts, assuming they weren't good enough. On a live chat with a technical support guy of godaddy.com, I deleted some wrong files and that my friends, was the last nail in the coffin of my blog. The blog, kundanpandey.net was gone in one click. A few thousand Rs burnt.
This platform, my long abandoned first love had been there in the cyber space since 2007-2008. Yes, I got hooked to blogging in those days but then in a year or two, I realized this basic eBlogger platform wasn't good enough. Love was lost. A fall out was eventual. Very silently, I migrated to the sophisticated world of WordPress.Org and then to my own customized world of blogging. I had left my blogger site to die an uneventful death. A junk in the cyber world. It kept floating in the time zone only to hit me recently while I woke up from a dream.
Oh, it was a horrific dream- a time-zone apocalypse. The past, present and the future were merging into each other and it was like Eris (the Greek Goddess of chaos) had landed in the city of dust, Gurgaon, where I currently live in. I was covered knee deep in a dust storm. Any chance of escape was not possible. The harder I tried, the more dust wrapped me.
The scenes from my past flashed before my eyes. Those blog deletions, the anxious moments. The hard copies of all the drafts that never got published turned into annoying dust monsters and hovered around me. The ink on the paper dripped like blood on my head. Before I could fathom the speed with which this torment was proceeding, I felt a sudden jolt that uprooted me from the ground and rocketed me into a different world altogether.
Just like the previous scary world, even this new world looked unreal.
There I was, lying on a hammock. The scary storm had subsided. The world felt in the state of perfect peace. The same kind of tranquil you would expect on an island marooned in the center of an ocean. And then I saw the sky glitter with the flood of light. There she stood, Harmonia (the Greek Goddess of peace, harmony) in all her calmness and sublime beauty.
I decided to move ahead and see if she was real. Before I could do that, a shrilling noise shook me. I woke up jolted. My alarm clock was back in business. I opened my eyes and stayed awake in the bed for a few minutes.
The only solace was the soulful song was from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that was playing in the background. Thanks to my brother, who has this annoying habit of switching radio every morning.
The words were soulful, especially more so, after such a frightening nightmare.
Thoda gham hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai...
As I opened my arms to feel the sunny morning and the cool breeze, the same old philosophy dawned on me. There will always be some dust when chasing your dreams. That shouldn't deter you from pursuing what you want.
Thoda dust hai sabka qissa, thode dreams hai sabka hissa.
Then the inevitable happened. I invested some money in redesigning my blog. Technically, it wasn't a bad move. I spent hours and hours on top blogging sites like copyblogger.com. And for a few weeks, it did feel like I had finally managed to crack the blogging code. A refreshed look, a new domain with my name (kundanpandey.net) did bring a new lease of life to my blog. Just when I thought I had won half of the battle, my anxious mind was ready to play the game it was so skillful at.
I had named my blog 'resonant perceptions' and I started thinking if it was good enough. Once a pain point starts itching me, especially in case of my blog, it has a cascading effect. From there, I started scripting the downhill journey of my blog with the same fervor as I had started to write its success story. The more I sat and mulled over the blog name, the colors, the look, the topics, the genres, the more I got confused.
A fairly occupying writing job (well, not so much writing, honestly) and a not-so-sorted-mind, cut me off from this platform. The enthusiasm was gone, dead and buried. In a fit of anger and despair, I started deleting my posts, assuming they weren't good enough. On a live chat with a technical support guy of godaddy.com, I deleted some wrong files and that my friends, was the last nail in the coffin of my blog. The blog, kundanpandey.net was gone in one click. A few thousand Rs burnt.
This platform, my long abandoned first love had been there in the cyber space since 2007-2008. Yes, I got hooked to blogging in those days but then in a year or two, I realized this basic eBlogger platform wasn't good enough. Love was lost. A fall out was eventual. Very silently, I migrated to the sophisticated world of WordPress.Org and then to my own customized world of blogging. I had left my blogger site to die an uneventful death. A junk in the cyber world. It kept floating in the time zone only to hit me recently while I woke up from a dream.
Oh, it was a horrific dream- a time-zone apocalypse. The past, present and the future were merging into each other and it was like Eris (the Greek Goddess of chaos) had landed in the city of dust, Gurgaon, where I currently live in. I was covered knee deep in a dust storm. Any chance of escape was not possible. The harder I tried, the more dust wrapped me.
The scenes from my past flashed before my eyes. Those blog deletions, the anxious moments. The hard copies of all the drafts that never got published turned into annoying dust monsters and hovered around me. The ink on the paper dripped like blood on my head. Before I could fathom the speed with which this torment was proceeding, I felt a sudden jolt that uprooted me from the ground and rocketed me into a different world altogether.
Just like the previous scary world, even this new world looked unreal.
There I was, lying on a hammock. The scary storm had subsided. The world felt in the state of perfect peace. The same kind of tranquil you would expect on an island marooned in the center of an ocean. And then I saw the sky glitter with the flood of light. There she stood, Harmonia (the Greek Goddess of peace, harmony) in all her calmness and sublime beauty.
I decided to move ahead and see if she was real. Before I could do that, a shrilling noise shook me. I woke up jolted. My alarm clock was back in business. I opened my eyes and stayed awake in the bed for a few minutes.
The only solace was the soulful song was from Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara that was playing in the background. Thanks to my brother, who has this annoying habit of switching radio every morning.
The words were soulful, especially more so, after such a frightening nightmare.
...Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hainThoda gham hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aankh teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai...
As I opened my arms to feel the sunny morning and the cool breeze, the same old philosophy dawned on me. There will always be some dust when chasing your dreams. That shouldn't deter you from pursuing what you want.
Thoda dust hai sabka qissa, thode dreams hai sabka hissa.
I looked up and thanked Eris, Harmonia and of course, Javed Akhtar Sahab.
:)
PS. Ok, it's good to be back blogging. Hell, yeah.
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